In good good Jam-down, weh God love, we have this ting called ‘Fish Fry’.
I would say it’s the Jamaican version of a Bar-B-Que. You know, those get-togethers your community or neighbourhood might have, with barbecued chicken, pork, and hot-dogs, the children all come and ‘gi laugh fi peas soup’, sometimes there’s an open movie spot or games, or even performers, like an up and coming vocalist? Yeah, well, we have those kinds of events too.
And then we have Fish Fry.
Now, Fish Fry’s are good. Well, they’re supposed to be good. They usually have a supporting cause: a Charity to support, a Foundation to contribute to, a School that needs fixing, or a Hospital that needs some new equipment. There is almost always a genuinely altruistic reason for the Fish Fry. They are always supported and advertised by a friend of a friend of a friend, and they always promote it as that delicious Friday meal, the divergence from the norm, and that you don’t have to worry about gracing the midday traffic, with countless strangers, just to get your lunch. It will be delivered right to your cubicle.
Sounds amazing, right?
That’s probably why we, knowing the struggles of the world and the stresses of trying to find something nice to eat on a Friday, will always support a Fish Fry. Even when we swear off a it.
But . . . why would we swear off it if it so good?
Mek a tell you bout dat ting name Fish Fry. (See, mi a get hignorant a’ready!) Mek a TELL you bout dat ting weh name Fish Fry.
Fish Fry food a no normal food.
You ago spend upward of $1000 for a box of food. BUT . . . is not regular fry chicken and rice and peas yago get. With a Fish Fry, as the name suggests, is whole heap a fish choice. There’s:
- Fry Fish / Escovich Fish
- Steam Fish
- Roast Fish
- Curry Shrimp
- Fish in Sorrel/Coconut Sauce
- Seafood Soup
Then there’s Jerk Chicken, Jerk Pork, and they’re served with Festival, Bammy, or Rice and Peas and salad. The real works when you think about it, and for a grand, it nuh sound too bad.
But when you order Fish Fry, and siddung a wait pon said Fish Fry, anybody weh buy one already can tell you:
- The Food NEVER reach for Lunch. If lunch is anywhere between 12pm and 2pm, DON’T expect it during that time. Yago hurt you feelings.
- The Food is always sub-par. Sometimes, you nayven get weh you order. Dem just box suppm tigeda and seh “heh, a it dat!”
So all the support weh you a support, go down the drain when you get the food. And the way how you so raw and hangry, you nayven business seh you were on a diet dat mawning and did order steam fish. You will eat di jerk pork and lick you fingas cause you well hungry and was ready fi nyaam a man foot before di food reach.
And so, nuff a we . . . NUFF a we, swear seh we “NAW buy NO MORE Fish Fry”. Every single time a man come roun’ bout dem have Fish Fry next Friday, NUFF a we head hurt we same time.
“No more!” we call out, ongle fi dig inna we pocket and support anedda man and him Fish Fry.
But hear wah?!
I have a guide fi unnuh, to survive the many Fish Fry’s weh a come roun’ dissa Christmas time. Cause nuff ago forward, you know? Nuff nuff more a come.
So here’s what you do:
- Pay for the Fish Fry BEFORE the Friday. Why? This leads me to point # 2.
- When you pay for the Fish Fry before the day, on the Friday, you can actually go look a food for lunch, and not hurt yourself. Trust me on this. Buy a one patty to hold you over until the Fish Fry reach, or buy a good lunch, and just accept the Fish Fry as your Friday dinner. Trust me on this one.
- Make arrangements to collect your Fish Fry when it arrives, cause 9 times out of 10, it reaching long after 4pm on a Friday evening and you goodly lef’ your office already. Yes, Fish Fry’s have been known to show up looooong after people leave.
- LOWER your expectations. I cannot stress this any more. I know you ordered the spicy Fish in Sorrel sauce with Potato Salad, a tupes a Tun’ Cawnmeal, a likkle Mac-n-cheese, with 2 slices a Plantain and … (I’m getting hungry just thinking about it.) Be happy if you get any part of that order. Be happy if you get any food at all. Be happy! Period!!!
- NEVER believe the man/woman who seh, and I quote:
“Naw man, dis Fish Fry nago be like the last one!”
DON’T YOU BELIEVE THEM!!!
They ALL say it!
Follow my guide, and let me know if it works for you. I mean, you could stay true to your word and don’t support another Fish Fry, but we’ve all sworn it, and we ALL still get our feelings hurt.
So until the next Fish Fry . . .