When a movie sucks

Have you ever been so psyched about watching a movie that not even the bad reviews can dissuade you from watching it?

The hubby and I are movie fanatics. We looooove watching a good movie, even the not so good ones, even animations, especially tv-series. We will plan our entire year around the movies we both intend to watch. Which movie to watch on his birthday, which to watch on mine, which to watch when there’s nothing else to do. Movies are an easy date night idea, and not so expensive, but only if you go on a 2-4-1 night.

At the beginning of this summer we both agreed to watch movies like Home, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Jurassic World, and Ant Man. We’ve debated whether to watch Mad Max: Fury Road, which we didn’t watch in the theatres but we both think we should have, Terminator Genisys, and Inside Out, both yet to be watched.

Our latest debate was whether we should watch Fantastic Four or not. He was a staunch advocate for the film at the beginning of the summer when I was like . . . mmmeh! I was not particularly impressed with the cast, nor did the trailer do anything for me, but he wanted to see it so I acquiesced. But, upon its release, the tables quickly turned and I became the staunch advocate where he would rather sleep than watch a movie.

If you know my hubby, sleep is not something he chooses to do.

2015-Fantastic-Four-movie-poster

Fantastic Four premiered to a measly 9% on Rotten Tomatoes. In all my years of watching movies I have never seen that low of a rating for any movie.

9%?!?!?

When I first saw the rating, I wondered if there was a missing figure. Could it be 90%? Or was it more like 19%? Maybe 29%?! I dunno, I expected something along with the 9%. When I showed him the rating, he vehemently refused to watch it. Why would anyone chose to watch a movie that is reportedly terrible?!

I’ll tell you why.

Because you want to know just how sucky the movie really is. Was the critic in a bad mood that day? Were they expecting a mountain but ended up with a mole hill? What made them say it was worth only 9%? It didn’t help when the next time I checked Fantastic’s rating it dropped to 8%. The audience review is in the early 20’s, but that didn’t do much good either.

Then we heard the directors response to the low ratings and the hubby lost even more of his lack of desire to watch the movie, while I couldn’t help but wonder, what was really wrong with it.

I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it.

NOTE: If you plan to watch it, maybe you shouldn’t read any further. I’m not trying to spoil it for you, so I’m not going to mention what exactly happens but just know . . . it is as bad as they say it is.

Fantastic Four stars Miles Teller and Michael B. Jordan, both known comedic characters, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell, and Reg E. Cathey. Not an all-star cast, and like I said in the beginning, the cast didn’t scream blockbuster, but I know Miles and Michael (not personally) and I had hope that they would provide some comedic relief.

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There was none. Lies. There was a one line or two, but nothing from Miles and that was the biggest disappointment for me. I expected him to be the punch-liner, as he always is. Even in Divergent as the pain in the ass, he was somewhat hilarious. There was nothing from him.

The story shows how the four really became the Fantastic Four, when in truth they were more like the Mediocre Four all the way through. It was as if their acting coach convinced everyone to dial down their characters to a dull almost putrid grey. There was no depth, no life, nothing fantastic about the four. The movie was plagued with awkward pauses and random clippings that didn’t add to the story.

Half way through, the hubby wondered when would anything start. It took a while to get to the meat of the matter, and because of that it was just a bowl of plain ole white rice. He describes it as a long montage of the story that gets nowhere. Then there was the final battle scene which was, I kid you not, at most five minutes long. Really?!

Newbie superheroes take down this supposed super-villain in five minutes?! Not plausible, even in the superhero world. Superman himself takes much longer than five minutes to take anyone down, and that is always after he gets the sh*t beaten out of him.

The worst thing about it is, this is a Marvel Movie. We foolishly thought that a Marvel movie in this day and age could not, would not suck this much.

We were dead wrong.

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