To be or not to be Best Friends Foreva!

It’s funny that a topic like this should be on today’s Daily Post: On Bees and Effs – do I or did I have a best friend?

It’s funny because the whole ‘best friend’ thing has been weighing on my mind for some time, and I’ve been meaning to release it in some form of writing. I guess this is that release I’ve been craving.

I remember a time when I had best friend after best friend. It wasn’t the least bit difficult for me to make friends. In Prep school I had several friends I would have considered best friends, but unfortunately with the change in school those friendships dissolve and soon only the bare whisper of a memory exists of those friendships. In high school, I had a group of friends. It was a thing back then to have or belong to a group. Not a gang, a group. And in that group, one or three of us would be best friends . . . always conspiring together, looking out for each other, and taking the fall for each other when necessary. There was one situation though, where one of my bff’s did something that I thought was reckless and at that age I just could not handle the repercussions that could come from her actions. As such we had a falling out, and that was that.

In between that time and my college years, I made friends at church which was the most stable thing in my life back then. There would always be church and the people thereof; otherwise, I’ve changed schools and as a result the people around me were constantly changing. So I made friends at church, and some became very good friends.

One girl became my BFFFFFF and I was happy. We had sleep overs, and got matching outfits, and shared so many intimate details of our lives together. I actually had a best friend. And it all changed one night at a concert we both went. To this day I have no idea what I did wrong, IF I did anything wrong at all. We stopped talking and went our separate ways. That was a devastating time for me, to have a best friend and have that friendship dissolve into thin air knowing there was nothing I could do about it. I mean, everybody has the choice of working out the issue or ignoring it all together; I didn’t know what the issue was to work on anything. And for the time it took me to heal, the question of ‘what happened?’ plagued me like that grey hair in the front of your head that you can’t get rid of. (Oh, that’s just me? Ok then).

I think after that, I made a conscious effort not to label any one person ‘Best Friend’. I think it’s too much pressure to put that label on any one smaddy. I mean, what if they don’t want to be your best friend? What if they already have a best friend? What if they don’t consider you a best friend? Best Friendship isn’t a one-way street, both parties have to want it, right?!

After that, I decided to keep a group of women as my close friends. We’d have drinks, and games nights, and we’d lend our support and our shoulders for any of us who may need it at any time. Sounds like a great group of girlfriends, right?! That was until I noticed (or overheard) several of them refer to their other groups of friends as their best friends. And most had best friends outside of our little group . . . and by most, I mean ALL, except me. Every one of those ladies had their best friends and other girlfriends they would rather hang out with. Soon we all drifted apart as well, and no one cared enough to check up on each other . . . well maybe they checked up on each other, I was never checked up on, even though I was the main organizer of our little get-togethers.

It broke my heart to have so many friendships just end like that.

One friendship ended because I told her my truth and she didn’t like it; another ended because she understood my truth but she chose to defend the other girl instead. Oh, and the original BFFFFF that I was so happy to have but distraught when she dumped me, she called every once in a blue moon, and so I thought that even though we weren’t best friends, that we were cool with each other. She asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and I asked the same of her, only to be shafted and avoided like the Jehovah’s Witness on a Sunday morning.

Don’t get me wrong, I am Christian, but this is exactly how I felt when talking to my ex-bff (even though she initiates contact) :/

Today, I have no best friend, and I can only count on one hand the people I consider good friends. It still hurts every time I hear one of my friends discuss their best friends. I try to make friends, but another thing that’s become apparent to me is the fact that most people don’t care to make friends; I guess they already have their set of friends.

Here’s what I’m talking about: whenever I meet someone new, I try to develop a genuine interest in them and as such will ask questions so they can tell me more about themselves. But while we’re conversing about them and their lives, not once will they ask me about mine, or even ask me the same questions I ask them. It’s not like I’m not going to answer, I would love to talk too, but it never happens. And I’ve done this on more than one occasion and the result is the same. Is that not a clear indication that people are only interested in themselves? As an introvert, I’m not going to divulge personal information just because, but if you’re interested in me, ask me something. If I show interest in you, it’s because I think you could be a cool person, why not return the sentiment? or at least act like it.

I’ve said it before and I say it again: Friendship (or best friendship) is a two-way street, both parties have to want it.

Thank God for my husband, without whom I would be a lonely depressed soul that noone definitely wouldn’t want to be around. He’s by far my bestest friend in the whole wide world. And I’m happy he accepts that about me.

friendship-quotes-a-friend-is-someone-who-gives-you

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3 comments

  1. Oh, the angst of teenage BF’s! It happens to every girl who ever lived I think. Isn’t there a lot of pressure to have a ‘best friend’ these days Char? It seems like you are nobody unless you have a stream of them. Yet the very label ‘Best Friend’ indicates there can only be one. And finding which one of your friends is the best one is surely something that takes time?

    Friends come and go through our lives, that’s another thing I have discovered. There are workplace friends, interest based friends, age based friends; friends you make because they are your friends friends, husbands friends, family friends. Now and again we meet someone with whom we just click and they become a life long friend.

    My oldest friend, I realised with some horror recently, and I have been friends for thirty years! We see each other once a year, rarely touching base in between unless there is something of importance going on for either of us. Yet when we meet up it is just like it was yesterday and we can quite often find ourselves just picking up the conversation where we left off. But that has taken us years to get too and we have a lifetime of knowing each other and supporting each other through various crisis and losses and changes to build the relationship. We never set out to be life long friends, it just kind of happened.

    Like you I am a bit of an introvert. I don’t make friends easily, I am very private [hard to believe when I write a blog and leave it all out there I know!] I know heaps of people, but there are few I call my close friends. I hope you find the friend of your heart one day – in the meantime you have your husband and if he is your ‘best friend’ then that is a really, really neat thing! xoxo

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    • You are so right on all accounts. I think there’s a pressure to have a best friend at an age. But as we get older the pressure becomes internal to some extent with the fear of being alone.

      I know it takes a while to make good friends but its difficult to make friends when no one but yourself is looking for a friend. Its like going to a singles bar and finding every single soul is married… in the singles bar?!

      But I am grateful for the friends I’ve had, and those I have now, for the new ones I meet everyday and all over the place, and for the best friends yet to come.

      Thanks for dropping a line and for your kinds words 🙂

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  2. This is so true… up to this day in my 38th year of young 🙂 … i think about the friends i have. i’ve kept things inside so long it has been kind of hard to let my girlfriend inside… at times it so bad she gets upset cause it seems likes nothing bothers me. While in fact i may be fuming!!!
    You are right though gone are the days when u need a ‘bag’ of friends. You just really need that one person you can be your TRUE self with who won’t judge you.. even if they do judge you you know right off the bat. No matter what anyone says i think we all need that ONE person.

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