It’s funny that a topic like this should be on today’s Daily Post: On Bees and Effs – do I or did I have a best friend?
It’s funny because the whole ‘best friend’ thing has been weighing on my mind for some time, and I’ve been meaning to release it in some form of writing. I guess this is that release I’ve been craving.
I remember a time when I had best friend after best friend. It wasn’t the least bit difficult for me to make friends. In Prep school I had several friends I would have considered best friends, but unfortunately with the change in school those friendships dissolve and soon only the bare whisper of a memory exists of those friendships. In high school, I had a group of friends. It was a thing back then to have or belong to a group. Not a gang, a group. And in that group, one or three of us would be best friends . . . always conspiring together, looking out for each other, and taking the fall for each other when necessary. There was one situation though, where one of my bff’s did something that I thought was reckless and at that age I just could not handle the repercussions that could come from her actions. As such we had a falling out, and that was that.
In between that time and my college years, I made friends at church which was the most stable thing in my life back then. There would always be church and the people thereof; otherwise, I’ve changed schools and as a result the people around me were constantly changing. So I made friends at church, and some became very good friends.
One girl became my BFFFFFF and I was happy. We had sleep overs, and got matching outfits, and shared so many intimate details of our lives together. I actually had a best friend. And it all changed one night at a concert we both went. To this day I have no idea what I did wrong, IF I did anything wrong at all. We stopped talking and went our separate ways. That was a devastating time for me, to have a best friend and have that friendship dissolve into thin air knowing there was nothing I could do about it. I mean, everybody has the choice of working out the issue or ignoring it all together; I didn’t know what the issue was to work on anything. And for the time it took me to heal, the question of ‘what happened?’ plagued me like that grey hair in the front of your head that you can’t get rid of. (Oh, that’s just me? Ok then).
I think after that, I made a conscious effort not to label any one person ‘Best Friend’. I think it’s too much pressure to put that label on any one smaddy. I mean, what if they don’t want to be your best friend? What if they already have a best friend? What if they don’t consider you a best friend? Best Friendship isn’t a one-way street, both parties have to want it, right?!
After that, I decided to keep a group of women as my close friends. We’d have drinks, and games nights, and we’d lend our support and our shoulders for any of us who may need it at any time. Sounds like a great group of girlfriends, right?! That was until I noticed (or overheard) several of them refer to their other groups of friends as their best friends. And most had best friends outside of our little group . . . and by most, I mean ALL, except me. Every one of those ladies had their best friends and other girlfriends they would rather hang out with. Soon we all drifted apart as well, and no one cared enough to check up on each other . . . well maybe they checked up on each other, I was never checked up on, even though I was the main organizer of our little get-togethers.
It broke my heart to have so many friendships just end like that.
One friendship ended because I told her my truth and she didn’t like it; another ended because she understood my truth but she chose to defend the other girl instead. Oh, and the original BFFFFF that I was so happy to have but distraught when she dumped me, she called every once in a blue moon, and so I thought that even though we weren’t best friends, that we were cool with each other. She asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and I asked the same of her, only to be shafted and avoided like the Jehovah’s Witness on a Sunday morning.
Today, I have no best friend, and I can only count on one hand the people I consider good friends. It still hurts every time I hear one of my friends discuss their best friends. I try to make friends, but another thing that’s become apparent to me is the fact that most people don’t care to make friends; I guess they already have their set of friends.
Here’s what I’m talking about: whenever I meet someone new, I try to develop a genuine interest in them and as such will ask questions so they can tell me more about themselves. But while we’re conversing about them and their lives, not once will they ask me about mine, or even ask me the same questions I ask them. It’s not like I’m not going to answer, I would love to talk too, but it never happens. And I’ve done this on more than one occasion and the result is the same. Is that not a clear indication that people are only interested in themselves? As an introvert, I’m not going to divulge personal information just because, but if you’re interested in me, ask me something. If I show interest in you, it’s because I think you could be a cool person, why not return the sentiment? or at least act like it.
I’ve said it before and I say it again: Friendship (or best friendship) is a two-way street, both parties have to want it.
Thank God for my husband, without whom I would be a lonely depressed soul that noone definitely wouldn’t want to be around. He’s by far my bestest friend in the whole wide world. And I’m happy he accepts that about me.