Steady stream of Disinterest

This month I decided to join in on one of those Writing/Blogging 101 series offered by the Daily Post team at WordPress.

Writing 101: Day 1 – Unlocking the mind

I figured that since I’ve been uninspired for the past month and a half that I could use some timely reminders and daily prompts to help me out of this barren wasteland of disinterest. Today’s challenge or prompt suggests we do a free-written post and just unleash my consciousness. The bigger challenge was to post it if I felt brave enough.

Well, I feel brave enough to post . . . just not brave enough to explore my mind.

Have you ever felt that way before?

You know you need to acknowledge an issue, you know you need to do it now rather than later, and you know you’ll feel a thousand times better for doing it . . . but you’re scared of what you may uncover, you fear the reason or cause of this issue and that the fact that it is fully internal. Like, I’m not fully prepared to talk to myself about this, cause I know I can be a bitch to myself more time, it’s scary. But then, we tend to be harsher/harder on ourselves than anyone else, right?

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been uninspired. Uninspired to write, to read, to watch television, to take pictures, to do anything remotely interesting, creative, motivating, anything of the sort.

I decided that I would make a concerted effort this month to get back in the game, and so yesterday, me and the hubby, went to an open house in the cool hills of Red Hills, and the apartment had a spectacular view. The drive up was breath-taking and then the reward of seeing that view in a potential home was surreal. But could I take pictures?

Nope!

I mean, who would walk into a bedroom with floor to ceiling windows over-looking the plains of not only Kingston, but Portmore as well (that’s the equivalent of viewing the entire south coast from your bedroom window), and not feel an urge to whip out their camera a take a few pictures? . . . the answer is me 😦

After the disappointingly beautiful prospect, we left and headed to the other side of town for an annual Arts Festival in Liguanea. They had paintings, sculptures, wood-works, photography galore . . . and again, not one photo was taken.

I feel like a bum!

My hubby asked what was the big deal with all the photographs we saw? And there were a lot, a whole lot more than usual to be honest. But as I looked at the photos, most of them in black and white, and I do love a great black and white shot, I couldn’t help but acknowledge the fact that not one of my photos could compare to anything that was represented. I know, I know I aint no photographer, I’m just a girl with a camera phone after all, so how can I even think of comparing my crap to their works of art?

It’s something that interests me, I like taking photos, and I like taking semi-decent photos with my camera phone. I’ve gotten some compliments for the ones I’ve ‘put out there’ already. I don’t necessarily think I need to do a course or anything, I just like taking photos, but yesterday, the inspiration just wasn’t there. Even though I was surrounded by scenery and landscape, and all other forms of art, I remained barren.

That’s how it’s been for my writing as well. I’m working on my first book, and in writing that another story popped up in my head, but if you’re like me, you need to write out as much as you can when the flow hits or else the idea disappears just as fast. So at one point I had two stories writing. There I am writing two stories, confusing the shit out of me dancing back and forth between the two, to the point where I couldn’t concentrate on anything else to write anything more. Having gone so far into both stories, I then decided to apply the brakes and try to map out the rest of my journey along both paths. And you know what happens next?

I am now at a point where I’ve thought and thought and thought about my two stories and now they feel like crap. Like they are pointless, boring, garbage no one will read. And that idea/thought depresses me beyond relief. I know writers feel like this about their work every now and then, I get it. But it’s hard to love what you now see as rubbish. It’s hard to continue on a path when you strongly believe it’ll go nowhere.

Don’t worry though, I’m still going to finish my first story at least, just to prove to myself that 1. I could actually write a book, and 2. that I could do it in a year. That’s my own personal aim.

Aside from my photo-drama and my writing blocks, I’ve also decided to partake in a Tuff Warrior Challenge which will be held on Sunday June 22, 2014.

It’s a 5 mile, 17 obstacle course run designed to test one’s stamina, endurance, camaraderie, and mental strength. Mi buss aready! Last week the full length of my arms and down both sides of my back hurt like hell, and I’ve already busted my knee, but at least I can do three maybe four push-ups straight . . . which has never been done by yours truly before.

Wish me luck on all accounts though!

 

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3 comments

  1. Don’t worry too much about the block hun, we’ve all been there. I’m in a 3 or 4 year poetry block. I understand the disinterest. It worries me because it not just writing. As long a your don’t spill into any other areas, enjoy the break and then get back on. Kudos on even training for the Tuff Warrior competition. I laughed myself silly when the mere though people into my head to try.

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