One is better than none!

Today, amma get real deep and very personal with you.

Why?

Because it’s one of those days when I feel open and honest enough to share something really personal to me. So, please don’t stop me while I’m on a roll.

This Wedding planning stuff has really highlighted to me the importance of relationships: friendships, family relations, and the relationships we form with Wedding vendors and the like.

The relationships with Wedding vendors and professionals in the arena of Wedding Planning is by far the easiest relationship to form for me. Because I know what I want, and I want to know if you can provide that for me at a cost that’s not so bad. Pretty simple and straight forward right?! If they mess something up, as much as it affects the Wedding, it also affects their reputation and possibility of recommendations and whatnot. So I don’t feel so bad when one of these relationships go sour, after all these relationships tend to be a short-term investment.

Family relations, although a little trickier than the professional ones, is for me, fairly easy-going. I know some people have issues in their families when it comes around to planning their wedding. You have the potential in-laws not approving of the union, which would be a major issue, doan?! There’s the question of who do you invite, who do you not, and how do you maintain the relationship with that cousin or aunt you didn’t invite. Then there are the aunts who believe they have a say in how your wedding should go, and the moms who believe it is their wedding and they can invite their whole high school gang to their daughters’ wedding even though she knows none of the mom’s high school friends. Yeah . . . kinda happening to me, but I’m not even gonna stress that one right yah now!

The most concerning type of relationship for me is that of my girlfriends.

I remember a time when I had a group of like 6 women I loved and loved hanging out with. We had our regular girls nights where we’d go for drinks or chill at someone’s yard playing cards, and laughing our asses off at each others indiscretions. Those were the good old days. I actually had a gang! But, over the last couple years those relationships just dissolved into mere acquaintances. I often wonder where I went wrong, what did I do, or didn’t do to have lost so many of my support group. But what hurts more, is the fact that they don’t really miss me.

When we first got engaged, although I was happy, because – yes! I’m finally getting married! There was a pause in my celebration, a moment of trepidation, as I thought Well, shit! Who am I going to ask to be my bridesmaids? I’ve had no real girlfriends.

I asked him how many groomsmen he planned to have and he said 3 to which I said Great, I just need to find 3 women then. That shouldn’t be hard. And in truth, it wasn’t.

I first called a girlfriend I’ve had from my high school days. We were best friends for a while, and we’ve had our riffs and spats, but somehow, in the back of my mind, I still considered us friends and good friends at that, to have gone through periods of not talking to each other and still being able to link up like nothing happened. You know those friends you have that you may not have seen for a while, but when you do see each other, it’s as if no time has passed?! I have considered her one of those friends.

The second friend I asked was a friend I met at college, and ended up working with for the past 5 – 6 years. She became my best friend at work, and remained a best friend outside of work. In fact, she was one of the 6 girlfriends I mentioned earlier, the group of us who went drinking and parring. But thankfully we are still in touch. She lives in the States now, which poses the question of whether she’d be able to make it to my wedding or not.

The third friend I asked was a girlfriend who I believe took me under her wing, so to speak. She’s apart of my Kalooki family and have been a great friend and confidante for the past couple of years. Her, I know the least of all, but I’ve had the largest support in the history of ‘Support and Friendship’, and ‘having one’s back’. She’s my Matron of Honour as it only seemed fitting and/or fair.

So for the first time in a long time, I felt I had girls I could count on, women who supported me and loved me, friends who wanted to share this special moment of mine. I cherish these women’s friendships and was elated to have them stand with me on my big day. To envision being up on the podium (or wherever) and glance over to my left, and see three women, who don’t really know each other but came together for me, was a dream that put my heart at ease.

But if you think the relationship drama stopped there, you’ve made a sad mistake.

The first girlfriend I asked, when asked to be my bridesmaid, promptly told me that she’ll be too busy to answer my phone calls, and she wont be able to meet me as I might like to. In essence, she’ll be a bridesmaid but with the least amount of input. I thought, I can work with that! The MOH and I will be doing most of the work anyways, I’ll just need her preferences as they come along. I wont lie, she came through for me in giving me the opportunity to view a potential location for which she alone had the link, and for that I am grateful. But since then, she hasn’t returned my phone calls, emails, text messages or what’s app messages. So now I feel like a girl running down this other girl begging her to play with me. “Please oh pretty please, play with me. I have dolls!”

Not my kettle of fish.

The second friend, although I have and feel her support and I know she’s trying to make it, I know there is also a strong possibility that she wont be able to make it to my wedding. And I’m the type to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. So at this point, I’m operating under the premise that she isn’t coming, but if she does, that would just be awesome-sauce!

So, I started out with the three best women I could find, to stand next to me on that day, and now I’m down to just one (tentatively).

My mother asked me the other day, how I felt about having just one bridesmaid. I mean, it will look weird to have four groomsmen (because he upped it to 4) and just one bridesmaid, but I would rather have one bridesmaid who really wants to be there rather than have someone else up there who obviously doesn’t want to, or they think they have somewhere better to be.

And to go one step further: one bridesmaid is better than having none up there with me, right?!

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13 comments

  1. Char, can I please please please give you this piece of advice? The only decisions I regret about my own wedding are the ones I made because I was worried how people would feel, or how it would look…and at the end of the day my compromises were for nothing. Some didn’t notice, others didn’t care…one person proved I had simply made a MISTAKE in putting her feelings before my reservations. Do exactly what YOU want to do. If its only one, do only one. If its zero, do zero. ALL that matters is, in that moment when you are preparing to make one of the biggest decisions of your life, and you don’t know if you should laugh, cry, or run away – you have the RIGHT person(s) in that room, painting your face, tying you in, and drying your tears. If there is no one on earth that fits the bill, Jesus can do it too.

    Like you, my wedding did show me where I stood with my friends (and family). I was angry. Then I was hurt. Now, I am grateful. All the very best, and congrats again!

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    • Thanks Nicole! On all accounts. The family drama and those wanting this and that don’t really matter to me, that’s why I only have 3 people on my team: my mom, my moh, and my husband to be. And I think they are enough. Everybody else can just . . . chill! It would be nice to have a full compliment of bridesmaids, but given how I am, and that crowds aren’t my thing, the small compliment seem appropriate now. So I’m good. Really!
      Thanks again 🙂

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  2. I know how that is… being in the military it’s like all my friendships are short term and the few I stay in touch with are on the other side of the world… so I ended up with my sister, MOH… my cousin who is like a little sister to me… the one friend I actually stayed in touch with since high school… and then my hairdresser… yep… I’ve known her for years and while I was planning for the wedding we got really close and she was the one that got me really excited about it so I got her to be one… and I haven’t talked to her since… so in some ways it’s like oh theres that girl who was my friend for 5 seconds… but then again I was still happy she was there… but ultimately you’re getting married… who cares if there’s any girls up there as long as you got your man at the alter you have all you need… everyone wants that awesomeness they see on TV of this pack of friends that are always there… but honestly you’re lucky if you get one good friend in your life… I married my best friend… cheesy I know and I still wish I had a girlfriend because sadly he hates shopping and Applebees… but just have your wedding… invite those you care about and not just because you feel obligated too… do it however you want no matter who’s saying what… and if all you have is one bridesmaid no one will probably even notice because everyone will be looking at the beautiful bride coming down the aisle… so try not to worry too much… it’s going to be one of the most wonderful days of your life no matter what…

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    • A heartfelt “thank you” my dear. Can you be a bridesmaid please? Lol. I wish there was a way to invite my virtual/blog friends as well, but alas, we’re not there yet. You’ve said most of the things I forgot to say. And no its not cheesy, I’m marrying my best friend too, and I can’t wait. 😀

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